Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
