just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
