What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
