I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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