I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
