at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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