At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
