she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
