Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like a drive thru vagina
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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