She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
