Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
