Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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