Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
