I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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