I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
