Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
