this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize