she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
