and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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