it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
