i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She told me I should be a condom model.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
