By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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