I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
