oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
