guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
