I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
