It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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