i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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