The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
