u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize