That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
