yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
