Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
