dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
