Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
