Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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