I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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