no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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