We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
