I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
