you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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