Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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