Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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