I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
