You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
