There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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