Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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