Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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