Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was born a porn star she said
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
