Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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