Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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