So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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