the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
