theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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