i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
