Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
