You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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