Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
