He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
