I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
