He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
