So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
