i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
