stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
