I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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