Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
