It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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