everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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