The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
