Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
