you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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